I have 2 topics I want to discuss
1) my perfect date
2) My undying hatred of unions within governments and municipalities
As much as I like ranting and raving, I also like being nostalgic and letting my hopeless romantic flag fly. But considering the Toronto strike has (almost)
ended I figured I would talk about item 2
If you want an idea of what the strike is about, the coles notes version is that other municipal unions (Police, firefighters… people who actually do work) received modest pay increases, while Local 416 and 79 (garbage men, babysitters… people who do bullshit work) are being told they need to make concessions given the new economic circumstances.
The big political issue – Banked sick days. The unions employees want to be able to bank up to 18 unused sick days per year up to 6 months and get that money as a lump sum when they retire.
Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?
Ok the first part is who gets 18 sick days a year? 365 days a year *5/7 work days = 260 work days per year.
Less about 8 days of stat holidays
Less maybe 15 days vacation
You are talking about 237 serious working days. 18/237 = 8%. So you expect to spend 8% of your working life sick? Really? Do you have NO white blood cells at all?!?! Does an immune system NOT exist in your body? Anyways the point isn’t the 8% but that’s really really fucking dumb
The point is sick days are given to you not as vacation but as you are seriously ill and we don’t want you to go through the torture of having to work sick (If I had a dollar for every fucking day I worked sick because I had a deadline to meet…) So that fact that you think they should be treated like you’re vacation days is just stupid. Nobody else gets to keep their sick days in perpetuity then get money for not using them so why should you? Also, consider the fact that many baby boomers will be retiring at the same time, and you want the municipalities (IE. the tax payers (IE ME)) to hand you a fat fucking cheque for 6 months pay because you were sick less then 8% of your working time?!?! The liability is estimated at $250m for the city. Like $250m for NO services provided, just a fat fucking retirement check for your fat fucking ass
Now on to the union itself…
1) You’re a government union. Therefore you do nothing and expect to be well compensated for it. You work your CBA negotiated hours, and nothing more, often less. You are a drain on society, you are a drain on my tax dollars, you are GROSSLY overpaid 95% of the time and you do shit all 85% of the time. I hate you, because I actually have to work hard (In my busy season – Oct to April I worked 55 hours a week… 11 hours a day) and you “work” 9-4 and get paid more then I do
2) Local 416 is made of paramedics, social housing workers, water and wastewater specialists, librarians and other library workers, gardeners, labourers, animal control officers, parking lot attendants. Look through that list, and tell me you couldn’t do any of their jobs RIGHT NOW. Ok maybe the water specialists, but reading those dials would take mayyybe a weeks worth of training. My point is I think we could actually survive in the city without your “essential” services (Except ambulance services). Listen. A fucking monkey can do what you do! You think you deserve $30 an hour to water a fucking garden and put away a library book?!?1 Are you serious?!?1 and I have to pay you $30/hour to do this?
3) Ok you want to strike and sit on your ass and be useless, then fine, whatever. But the fact that you setup picket lines along garbage drop off zones is just the most annoying point of all. I mean we are doing your job, IN OUR SPARE FUCKING TIME, which highlights how fucking easy your job is. But you can’t have that. You can’t have us proving that a fucking monkey can do your job because then nobody would notice you are on strike, further proving how useless you are and you would get your fat pay cheques you don’t deserve, or those bank sick day bonuses you don’t earn.
The fact of the matter is You do no work… You get great pay… I pay higher taxes.. To subsidize your “do no work” attitude…
So I say… Fuck you and the horse you ride in on. I hope the city absolutely crushes you and you get knocked down to the pay scale you deserve. Or we could hire some monkeys to do your job. We could pay them in bananas…
One Love
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Does it need to be long to be good?
The post... Does it need to be long to be a good post? For fuck sakes get your mind out of the gutter!!
I'm really not sure what to write in this post. I wanted to describe my best date, but its too long, and hard, and there was too much grunting... We played squash... honestly we did? seriously get your mind out of the gutter!!
Anyways I went to see my aunts on the weekend, which really really makes me say I don't want to grow old and feeble. I don't ever want to be a burden depend on my family for basic necessities to the point where them seeing me is a drag on them.
My 2 aunts are in their late 80's early 90's. My aunt Adele has dementia, so if you come near her she will bite at you, and kick you and generally try to hurt you. She shovels food in her mouth like its her last meal, she needs to wear a diaper, and she will not speak to you. This is very far from the aunt Adele I used to know. She used to spend time in the summer, and when I got home from work I would take her for a walk in the sun and she would tell me stories about when she lived in Arizona and LA and the parties she went to and the cars she drove and the people she met, just awesome hilarious stories... So its so sad to see her there
My aunt Julliet I haven't been as close with. She's in ok health and her mind is still there. But she's taking care of her sister and it's a massive drain on her health and sanity, so she's suffering; and it's sad
Anyways we went to see them and its just so sad. All aunt Adele does is bang on the table demanding food, aunt Julliet yells at her to shut up, my grandmother starts crying, the house smells like old urine, the radio is blaring 24/7 music from the 1930's, none of the clocks work, the lights are always off... its just a despicable way to live...
Which made me come to a few conclusions
- The minute I start to lose my mind I'm going for a little drive, alone at night... off a cliff
- Being old is a miserable existence. You get NOTHING good, everything bad
- I'm going to tell people all my most messed up experiences when I get old so at least my stories will be entertaining
- I will be super nice to everyone who takes the time to come see me and I will always try to do something they find fun.
- If I can't get a car I will have a 40 of Jack Daniels and I will chug and chug and chug...
How ominous...
I'm really not sure what to write in this post. I wanted to describe my best date, but its too long, and hard, and there was too much grunting... We played squash... honestly we did? seriously get your mind out of the gutter!!
Anyways I went to see my aunts on the weekend, which really really makes me say I don't want to grow old and feeble. I don't ever want to
My 2 aunts are in their late 80's early 90's. My aunt Adele has dementia, so if you come near her she will bite at you, and kick you and generally try to hurt you. She shovels food in her mouth like its her last meal, she needs to wear a diaper, and she will not speak to you. This is very far from the aunt Adele I used to know. She used to spend time in the summer, and when I got home from work I would take her for a walk in the sun and she would tell me stories about when she lived in Arizona and LA and the parties she went to and the cars she drove and the people she met, just awesome hilarious stories... So its so sad to see her there
My aunt Julliet I haven't been as close with. She's in ok health and her mind is still there. But she's taking care of her sister and it's a massive drain on her health and sanity, so she's suffering; and it's sad
Anyways we went to see them and its just so sad. All aunt Adele does is bang on the table demanding food, aunt Julliet yells at her to shut up, my grandmother starts crying, the house smells like old urine, the radio is blaring 24/7 music from the 1930's, none of the clocks work, the lights are always off... its just a despicable way to live...
Which made me come to a few conclusions
- The minute I start to lose my mind I'm going for a little drive, alone at night... off a cliff
- Being old is a miserable existence. You get NOTHING good, everything bad
- I'm going to tell people all my most messed up experiences when I get old so at least my stories will be entertaining
- I will be super nice to everyone who takes the time to come see me and I will always try to do something they find fun.
- If I can't get a car I will have a 40 of Jack Daniels and I will chug and chug and chug...
How ominous...
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thoughts of randomness
I don't really know what to say. I'm kinda in a confusing loop in terms of stuff, so I thought I would just say some things that come to mind. Also I'm stealing this from someone...
Things that are Awesome-O!
- Boxing: God I wish people would give up on UFC and go back to boxing. and I also wish the boxing regulatory boards would finally merge so you could have one unified group rather then millions of little boards that claim they are the true lords of boxing. It really is the sweet science. Oh God I swear if Pacquiao fights Mayweather I am going to cream my pants each and every round.
- The Beatles: Who would you rather be, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones? Fuck I would be the Beatles in a fucking heartbeat. The Stones were great... very very great. The Beatles were absolutely groundbreaking and the voice of a generation, perhaps the most important generation in the history of the world (fucking hippies, get a job!). I got to sit on the grass, close my eyes and listen to Sargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band album and its fucking awesome! Like its so fucking cool you can close your eyes and imagine the lonely hearts club band + a circus act while they are performing. Just amazing...
- When you get home from a really though day, and your mom decided to get pizza and wings for dinner! Not only are pizza and wings the most delicious food on the history of the planet, they are the most awesome comfort foods on the planet. Do you know why men love pizza so much? It's simple childhood brainwashing. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was the greatest show of a young boys childhood. Like by far the most awesome show. and what did they eat on EVERY episode? Pizza! and that's why every young man loves pizza
- Top Gear: Season 13!! Top Gear is the greatest show ever made, ever... The ONLY problem with it is its only 6 episodes every season. So I've seen 3 episodes and I'm already half way through the season. Clarkson, May and Hammond combine driving super-cars, with british wit, a splash of spontaneity, and opinionated rants that most shows are afraid of because they don't want to rag on the companies that give them their cars to test for free. I mean this season, they raced from London to Scotland. May in a 1950's car, Hammond in a 1950's bike, and Clarkson in a 1950 coal train, shovelling coal!
- Seeing an ex-gf. I'm seeing Jenn next week. She's the ex I always want to impress. She's super chill, very girly and let's me know I CAN attract someone who isn't pure evil. So when I see her I'll be rocking the suit, with the shades and be absolutely cocky! awesome-o!
Things that are poo
- Girls... Why can't you just be honest with me? Why the games?!?! why? If only men looked like girls... I'd be totally gay... Hey you wanna play video games in bed all day?!?! ohh and eat pizza and wings?!?!
- Irish Managers: Every time they tell you to do something it always sounds like they are pissed off at you
That is all
One love!
Things that are Awesome-O!
- Boxing: God I wish people would give up on UFC and go back to boxing. and I also wish the boxing regulatory boards would finally merge so you could have one unified group rather then millions of little boards that claim they are the true lords of boxing. It really is the sweet science. Oh God I swear if Pacquiao fights Mayweather I am going to cream my pants each and every round.
- The Beatles: Who would you rather be, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones? Fuck I would be the Beatles in a fucking heartbeat. The Stones were great... very very great. The Beatles were absolutely groundbreaking and the voice of a generation, perhaps the most important generation in the history of the world (fucking hippies, get a job!). I got to sit on the grass, close my eyes and listen to Sargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band album and its fucking awesome! Like its so fucking cool you can close your eyes and imagine the lonely hearts club band + a circus act while they are performing. Just amazing...
- When you get home from a really though day, and your mom decided to get pizza and wings for dinner! Not only are pizza and wings the most delicious food on the history of the planet, they are the most awesome comfort foods on the planet. Do you know why men love pizza so much? It's simple childhood brainwashing. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was the greatest show of a young boys childhood. Like by far the most awesome show. and what did they eat on EVERY episode? Pizza! and that's why every young man loves pizza
- Top Gear: Season 13!! Top Gear is the greatest show ever made, ever... The ONLY problem with it is its only 6 episodes every season. So I've seen 3 episodes and I'm already half way through the season. Clarkson, May and Hammond combine driving super-cars, with british wit, a splash of spontaneity, and opinionated rants that most shows are afraid of because they don't want to rag on the companies that give them their cars to test for free. I mean this season, they raced from London to Scotland. May in a 1950's car, Hammond in a 1950's bike, and Clarkson in a 1950 coal train, shovelling coal!
- Seeing an ex-gf. I'm seeing Jenn next week. She's the ex I always want to impress. She's super chill, very girly and let's me know I CAN attract someone who isn't pure evil. So when I see her I'll be rocking the suit, with the shades and be absolutely cocky! awesome-o!
Things that are poo
- Girls... Why can't you just be honest with me? Why the games?!?! why? If only men looked like girls... I'd be totally gay... Hey you wanna play video games in bed all day?!?! ohh and eat pizza and wings?!?!
- Irish Managers: Every time they tell you to do something it always sounds like they are pissed off at you
That is all
One love!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
My perfect summer
2 Summers ago I had the greated summer I would ever have. No summer in my life will ever top this summer. I will break down a hypothetical week after I explain who, where, and why
Where Kingston, On. Kingston was the perfecet location. Queens campus is beautiful, it was sunny all the time; our house was a 8 bedroom house with 3 of them actually being used. I had a gym membership at Queens and the gym was empty. There are tons of hills to longboard down, downtown was so close to my house and the outskirts of the city were historical
Who
Dave - Dave was always my good friend, but we hung out all the time together in Kingston. We always have one person in our group who ruins a fun experience. With just me and him nobody brings drama, nobody is annoying
Baumer - The party/class clown all summer. First one to get drunk, always made stupid decisions, always regretted them the next morning when we went for coffee
Della - Della is to Baumer what I am to Dave. Just the chill friend who doesn't cause drama
Kathleen - My beautiful girlfriend/ summer romance or whatever you want to call it. She was smart, beautiful, insane amounts of fun, made me think of the world a little bit differently, and constantly challenged me, which is EXACTLY what I need.
Why - I was there to take extra courses to get me ready for my exams. As it turns out I was there to party my ass off before I started working full-time
- Tuesday nights were $2 tall boys of old Milwaukee. Now that beer is literally pee from Milwaukee people but its 2 bucks! We drank like crazy there, got silly drunk and danced all night. One time we took a shot at the bar, and Dave literally vomited on the bar 1 second after he took the shot.
- After a hard night of drinking I would get up at like 11pm hung the fuck over, stumble into Dave's room and be like "Daave I'm gonna go get Wendys do you want anything" to which dave would stick his head out of bed and smile and be like "Spicy chicken sandwich" and I'd go grab his lunch and mine, stumble on my chair and watch arrested development eating delicious Wendys. Yummm now I'm hungry
- We'd probably go golfing in the afternoon, chilling under the beautiful sun with no responsibilities and not a care in the world. I still remember those days, sun is shining on my face, I'm in the middle of the green on a Wednesday afternoon with my 2-3 good friends, who cares if this shot sucks my life is awesome!
- Wednesday nights were beach slam!!!! Beach slam was fucking awesome it was a themed party at Stages, and was always full of mischef. Cheap drinks, "banana" eating contests, 30 seconds in the closet game. I met so many hilarious people, made a fool out of my self often and always had a great laugh the next day. Sometimes after I would meet Kathleen at her place (she would be out with her friends at another bar). I remember waking up next to her, hung over but with a smile. I had the most beautiful girl in the world sleeping next to me. Shes amazing, she looks so good and I have her!
- Dates with Kathleen were just awesome. Our first date we went to a restaurant, chatted, grabbed some dinner and then ice cream. We walked along the waterfront eating ice cream her telling me about the history of Kingston. We stopped at the edge of the dock, under the moonlight with our feet in the water and stared at the stars. I kissed her right there under the moonlight. It was an electric kiss. I was happy to get many many more from her throughout the summer.
- Friday nights at Elixer was awesome! Cheap drinks, huge dance floor, big outdoor patio. We partied every night there until the bar closed at 2. Then we would go to Pizza pizza and stuff our faces, head home and watch TV while scarfing pizza
- Softball nights. We had a softball team and everytime there was a game Kathleen and I would come up with excuses on why we couldn't go and met up. It was our weekly tradition
- Watching Baumer make horrible mistakes night in night out is hilarious. Watching him pick up some of the ugliest chicks you have ever seen, then text us the next morning being like OH MY GOD, why did you let me do this?! He used to drop his pants and dance in his boxers on the dance floor. He has his dance move called the "jail cell" dude was hilarious
To recap - Drinking, golf, eating great food, hilarious conversation, beautiful inspiring girlfriend
Where Kingston, On. Kingston was the perfecet location. Queens campus is beautiful, it was sunny all the time; our house was a 8 bedroom house with 3 of them actually being used. I had a gym membership at Queens and the gym was empty. There are tons of hills to longboard down, downtown was so close to my house and the outskirts of the city were historical
Who
Dave - Dave was always my good friend, but we hung out all the time together in Kingston. We always have one person in our group who ruins a fun experience. With just me and him nobody brings drama, nobody is annoying
Baumer - The party/class clown all summer. First one to get drunk, always made stupid decisions, always regretted them the next morning when we went for coffee
Della - Della is to Baumer what I am to Dave. Just the chill friend who doesn't cause drama
Kathleen - My beautiful girlfriend/ summer romance or whatever you want to call it. She was smart, beautiful, insane amounts of fun, made me think of the world a little bit differently, and constantly challenged me, which is EXACTLY what I need.
Why - I was there to take extra courses to get me ready for my exams. As it turns out I was there to party my ass off before I started working full-time
- Tuesday nights were $2 tall boys of old Milwaukee. Now that beer is literally pee from Milwaukee people but its 2 bucks! We drank like crazy there, got silly drunk and danced all night. One time we took a shot at the bar, and Dave literally vomited on the bar 1 second after he took the shot.
- After a hard night of drinking I would get up at like 11pm hung the fuck over, stumble into Dave's room and be like "Daave I'm gonna go get Wendys do you want anything" to which dave would stick his head out of bed and smile and be like "Spicy chicken sandwich" and I'd go grab his lunch and mine, stumble on my chair and watch arrested development eating delicious Wendys. Yummm now I'm hungry
- We'd probably go golfing in the afternoon, chilling under the beautiful sun with no responsibilities and not a care in the world. I still remember those days, sun is shining on my face, I'm in the middle of the green on a Wednesday afternoon with my 2-3 good friends, who cares if this shot sucks my life is awesome!
- Wednesday nights were beach slam!!!! Beach slam was fucking awesome it was a themed party at Stages, and was always full of mischef. Cheap drinks, "banana" eating contests, 30 seconds in the closet game. I met so many hilarious people, made a fool out of my self often and always had a great laugh the next day. Sometimes after I would meet Kathleen at her place (she would be out with her friends at another bar). I remember waking up next to her, hung over but with a smile. I had the most beautiful girl in the world sleeping next to me. Shes amazing, she looks so good and I have her!
- Dates with Kathleen were just awesome. Our first date we went to a restaurant, chatted, grabbed some dinner and then ice cream. We walked along the waterfront eating ice cream her telling me about the history of Kingston. We stopped at the edge of the dock, under the moonlight with our feet in the water and stared at the stars. I kissed her right there under the moonlight. It was an electric kiss. I was happy to get many many more from her throughout the summer.
- Friday nights at Elixer was awesome! Cheap drinks, huge dance floor, big outdoor patio. We partied every night there until the bar closed at 2. Then we would go to Pizza pizza and stuff our faces, head home and watch TV while scarfing pizza
- Softball nights. We had a softball team and everytime there was a game Kathleen and I would come up with excuses on why we couldn't go and met up. It was our weekly tradition
- Watching Baumer make horrible mistakes night in night out is hilarious. Watching him pick up some of the ugliest chicks you have ever seen, then text us the next morning being like OH MY GOD, why did you let me do this?! He used to drop his pants and dance in his boxers on the dance floor. He has his dance move called the "jail cell" dude was hilarious
To recap - Drinking, golf, eating great food, hilarious conversation, beautiful inspiring girlfriend
Monday, July 13, 2009
Confidence = crapper
Man this has been a tough 2 weeks for my confidence. I don’t know what’s the deal with me. I’m either being way too dramatic, or I’ve been delusional.
I still see it in my head. I’m at the bar Saturday night, just dancing and hanging out with friends. In the corner of my eye I see “her”. That girl in the club that just catches your eye, the one you look for throughout the night, the one that makes eye contact with you and you're jusr drawn. The one that, because I suck, gets away.
I hate how this shit haunts me. Any other guy, some stupid girl at the bar gets away they are like whatever who gives a shit. But not me. It's like my ego CANNOT take the thought of somebody, anybody not being head over heels interested in me. I can't just let it go, everyone has to like me, everyone has to be attracted to me.
I remember, we made brief eye contact and I was just waiting for my in, my moment to introduce myself. My problem was I didn’t have anything. She was on the dance floor dancing with her friend. The problem is without a wingman (which I didn’t have) you can’t just take her in front of her friend, its insulting and it just won’t work. Then I catch a break. Her friend finds her bf or some guy or whatever I don’t give a shit; but this girl let's call her Amy storms off upset at her friend.
PERFECT!! I’m in, I just find her, tell her I saw what happened, tell her that her friend is an ass and she (Amy) is so much better looking then her, buy her a drink, go dancing with her, get her number, call, date, get married, have kids, grow old together. Done and DONE! (Ok maybe the fact that I just mentioned marrying a girl I haven’t even met yet, even in a humorous nature, signals an underlying problem with me. Oh well I have the medication… BEER!)
Now I just have to find her, make the eye contact again, and see where this takes me. The problem is I can’t find her, and I’m getting frustrated. I give up, and head back to my friends
About 30 minutes later I see the group dancing together, and this guy shows up out of nowhere and starts dancing with her. Now I’m pissed and my confidence just got knocked into next week. Because I waited, and waited for the perfect moment, now I lost her and I have to watch this douche bag wrap his arms around her, and go in for kisses like 11,000 times while being rejected!! Treat her right you ass!! Fuck!!
Story of my life. I have to overthink her, so I lose her, then I overthink losing her and get my confidence knocked in. My problem is I fall in love with a girl the second I see her. And if it doesn’t work, I get heartbroken, which makes me not want to even try. But then when I don’t try I feel like THIS!!!!
Fuck! And to be honest, taking about it isn’t helping, its just making things worse… so fuck this
One Love…
I still see it in my head. I’m at the bar Saturday night, just dancing and hanging out with friends. In the corner of my eye I see “her”. That girl in the club that just catches your eye, the one you look for throughout the night, the one that makes eye contact with you and you're jusr drawn. The one that, because I suck, gets away.
I hate how this shit haunts me. Any other guy, some stupid girl at the bar gets away they are like whatever who gives a shit. But not me. It's like my ego CANNOT take the thought of somebody, anybody not being head over heels interested in me. I can't just let it go, everyone has to like me, everyone has to be attracted to me.
I remember, we made brief eye contact and I was just waiting for my in, my moment to introduce myself. My problem was I didn’t have anything. She was on the dance floor dancing with her friend. The problem is without a wingman (which I didn’t have) you can’t just take her in front of her friend, its insulting and it just won’t work. Then I catch a break. Her friend finds her bf or some guy or whatever I don’t give a shit; but this girl let's call her Amy storms off upset at her friend.
PERFECT!! I’m in, I just find her, tell her I saw what happened, tell her that her friend is an ass and she (Amy) is so much better looking then her, buy her a drink, go dancing with her, get her number, call, date, get married, have kids, grow old together. Done and DONE! (Ok maybe the fact that I just mentioned marrying a girl I haven’t even met yet, even in a humorous nature, signals an underlying problem with me. Oh well I have the medication… BEER!)
Now I just have to find her, make the eye contact again, and see where this takes me. The problem is I can’t find her, and I’m getting frustrated. I give up, and head back to my friends
About 30 minutes later I see the group dancing together, and this guy shows up out of nowhere and starts dancing with her. Now I’m pissed and my confidence just got knocked into next week. Because I waited, and waited for the perfect moment, now I lost her and I have to watch this douche bag wrap his arms around her, and go in for kisses like 11,000 times while being rejected!! Treat her right you ass!! Fuck!!
Story of my life. I have to overthink her, so I lose her, then I overthink losing her and get my confidence knocked in. My problem is I fall in love with a girl the second I see her. And if it doesn’t work, I get heartbroken, which makes me not want to even try. But then when I don’t try I feel like THIS!!!!
Fuck! And to be honest, taking about it isn’t helping, its just making things worse… so fuck this
One Love…
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Saturday at the cottage
Now that I’ve managed to sabotage my own life with my antics on Friday I now feel like absolute shit on Saturday. I have a million questions running through my mind with no answers, a girl that won’t look at me anymore, and A LOT of apologizing to do
Luckily nobody saw what happened and it was between me and her.. for now… Also I need to see her soon and apologize and see if she hates me
Anyways Saturday was the beer Olympics, which is less fun then you would think.
We drafted for players and I had actually hoped I wouldn’t be drafted. Unfortunately I was drafted with Kramer as my team leader, this useless bum who was the last overall draft pick, and a girl who doesn’t know how to drink
Event 1 – Beeer Pong
This event is really my life in a nutshell. I’m better at beer pong then I will ever give myself credit for and won’t step up take the mantle and go because I’m so nervous about failure because I have to win. Kramer and the useless dude play the first game and lose.. badly
I play the second game with the sporty girl and we kick absolute ass. So you would think that I would volunteer to play game 3, but no I’m too chicken. Kramer and the useless dude get their ass kicked again, and then I’m forced to play the deciding game 4
So again, I flaunt my chicken shit routine and have the sporty girl shoot first. If you airball your partner loses their turn and she airballed 4 in a row, but I kept letting her throw first (I never airball ) and we lost. It was close, thanks to me but we lost. Done and done
Kramer gets pissed
Event 2 – Flip Cup
Ok in this game you chug a beer, put your cup on the edge of the table and flip it. We got murdered! Mostly because the sporty girl, as I previously alluded, can’t drink or play flip cup. We come in dead last
Event 4 – Tips
This is a really dumb game some of my buddies invented where you throw a Frisbee and one person tips it and the other catches it. The problem with it is the loopholes in the rules. If you make a bad throw, you get to rethrow with no penalty. So what everyone does when we play competitively is throw as badly as possible while still making it a legal throw because you can do it 1,000,000,000 times with no real penalty. So the tournament ended up being a Frisbee-throw-in-the-dirt contest which took like 3 hours. We won though because Kramer is really good at it, and I’m good at it and sporty girl is sporty
Again there’s nothing to explain tip catch, boring! I made a fantastic catch that got called back saying the Frisbee hit the ground (it didn’t I was the only one that could see it due to the hill) and I kinda got really pissed over a Frisbee catch, good for me!
Event 5 – Boat Race
Beer chug; you can’t go until the guy before you goes. Simple. We made it to the finals because Kramer and I can down quickly. But in the finals the useless guy was so drunk he couldn’t keep his beer in his hand and we lost. God he’s useless fucking last overall draft pick. Me and Kramer were pissed we thought we could have had it
Either way we came in a close 3rd but we were pretty pissed… beer Olympics done
That night we drank some more. Melora kept looking at me while she was in George’s arms… AWKWARD, bury my head in the fire. I also had this one buddy who was all over this ugly ugly chick… like dude, I know your gf, this is fucking awkward
Lastly, to end it off Jerry got in a fight with Newman and Jerry kicked Newman’s ass. It doesn’t help that Newman tried to leap onto a table and topped it falling on his face, or that he tried to fight me and tripped on a chair and landed on his face, or that he puked in the woods and tried to cuddle with a fuuuughly chick hahaha good times.
I just stared at Melora longingly and hated myself for most of the night. Ohhh shit I forgot Tim’s GF!
Ok so I was like the only one still awake and Tim’s gf was actually outside because her and Tim were fighting. So she starts talking to me about what’s going on with her, and we have a good conversation. She’s super chill because she laughs hysterically at any joke you make no matter how unfunny so it builds your self-esteem
Anyways we talked for apparently a very long time. Then Tim came out to smoke with our friends and gave me absolute cut eye. Her too.. I felt bad… but whatever we were just talking.
Then, to make things gayer Jerry wants to talk to Tim’s gf and asks me to leave… Asshole, fuck him… Whatever I crash for the night as the suns coming up
Crash at 5:30
What a fucked up weekend…
Next post… 2 summers ago, my perfect life happened and faded 2 summers ago
One Love
Luckily nobody saw what happened and it was between me and her.. for now… Also I need to see her soon and apologize and see if she hates me
Anyways Saturday was the beer Olympics, which is less fun then you would think.
We drafted for players and I had actually hoped I wouldn’t be drafted. Unfortunately I was drafted with Kramer as my team leader, this useless bum who was the last overall draft pick, and a girl who doesn’t know how to drink
Event 1 – Beeer Pong
This event is really my life in a nutshell. I’m better at beer pong then I will ever give myself credit for and won’t step up take the mantle and go because I’m so nervous about failure because I have to win. Kramer and the useless dude play the first game and lose.. badly
I play the second game with the sporty girl and we kick absolute ass. So you would think that I would volunteer to play game 3, but no I’m too chicken. Kramer and the useless dude get their ass kicked again, and then I’m forced to play the deciding game 4
So again, I flaunt my chicken shit routine and have the sporty girl shoot first. If you airball your partner loses their turn and she airballed 4 in a row, but I kept letting her throw first (I never airball ) and we lost. It was close, thanks to me but we lost. Done and done
Kramer gets pissed
Event 2 – Flip Cup
Ok in this game you chug a beer, put your cup on the edge of the table and flip it. We got murdered! Mostly because the sporty girl, as I previously alluded, can’t drink or play flip cup. We come in dead last
Event 4 – Tips
This is a really dumb game some of my buddies invented where you throw a Frisbee and one person tips it and the other catches it. The problem with it is the loopholes in the rules. If you make a bad throw, you get to rethrow with no penalty. So what everyone does when we play competitively is throw as badly as possible while still making it a legal throw because you can do it 1,000,000,000 times with no real penalty. So the tournament ended up being a Frisbee-throw-in-the-dirt contest which took like 3 hours. We won though because Kramer is really good at it, and I’m good at it and sporty girl is sporty
Again there’s nothing to explain tip catch, boring! I made a fantastic catch that got called back saying the Frisbee hit the ground (it didn’t I was the only one that could see it due to the hill) and I kinda got really pissed over a Frisbee catch, good for me!
Event 5 – Boat Race
Beer chug; you can’t go until the guy before you goes. Simple. We made it to the finals because Kramer and I can down quickly. But in the finals the useless guy was so drunk he couldn’t keep his beer in his hand and we lost. God he’s useless fucking last overall draft pick. Me and Kramer were pissed we thought we could have had it
Either way we came in a close 3rd but we were pretty pissed… beer Olympics done
That night we drank some more. Melora kept looking at me while she was in George’s arms… AWKWARD, bury my head in the fire. I also had this one buddy who was all over this ugly ugly chick… like dude, I know your gf, this is fucking awkward
Lastly, to end it off Jerry got in a fight with Newman and Jerry kicked Newman’s ass. It doesn’t help that Newman tried to leap onto a table and topped it falling on his face, or that he tried to fight me and tripped on a chair and landed on his face, or that he puked in the woods and tried to cuddle with a fuuuughly chick hahaha good times.
I just stared at Melora longingly and hated myself for most of the night. Ohhh shit I forgot Tim’s GF!
Ok so I was like the only one still awake and Tim’s gf was actually outside because her and Tim were fighting. So she starts talking to me about what’s going on with her, and we have a good conversation. She’s super chill because she laughs hysterically at any joke you make no matter how unfunny so it builds your self-esteem
Anyways we talked for apparently a very long time. Then Tim came out to smoke with our friends and gave me absolute cut eye. Her too.. I felt bad… but whatever we were just talking.
Then, to make things gayer Jerry wants to talk to Tim’s gf and asks me to leave… Asshole, fuck him… Whatever I crash for the night as the suns coming up
Crash at 5:30
What a fucked up weekend…
Next post… 2 summers ago, my perfect life happened and faded 2 summers ago
One Love
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
How do I feel right now? Honestly its like I got hit by a semi, then dragged into a swamp and left there to die. I am in rough rough rough shape
Ok I know I said I wouldn’t post every Monday updating my weekend but this was a 5 day cottage weekend and sooo much went down. There are some things I can’t say and some things I’m afraid to say. This will all be from my perspective because, hey I’m a narccist and if shit doesn’t involve me why would I blog it?
Also keep in mind that I do consider myself somewhat of a professional, so my blog site will now be more mysterious as to who I am and what I do
Wednesday
Oh also keep in mind that many of these days sorta get blurred into each other
Wednesday
We got into the cottage at around 5pm. There were about 5 of us that night. So what do you do when you get to the cottage? Start drinking! So we relaxed by the fire and pounded back some beers, chatted about nothing and enjoyed one of the only days of sun.
Crap I think I need to describe my friends
Elaine – ME… The kind of chill relaxed person who tries to avoid confrontation
Jerry – The ringleader, his cottage the goofy fun loving person who is the only person who is friends with everyone coming to the cottage
Kramer – My buddy who is the unemployed mooch. Really wants to be whacky and have everybody pay attention to him because of his antics. But really who knows if people like him
George – A friend of Jerry but not really a friend of Elaine (ME). Kind of handicapped weird guy that you don’t know if you can trust
George’s gf (Melora) – If you’ve ever seen the Hampton Tomatas “You gooota come see that babeee” episode of Seinfeld who know who I’m talking about. Very quiet, sticks with George but is full of surprises
ANYWAYS
The drinking ensues and I think we are all having a good time. Kramer has already offended George’s GF and she wants nothing to do with us. Actually Melora when commenting on how we are all disgusting guys makes some comment about how I’m not really like them. Wooo me! ???
So we are drinking, smoking telling stories and relaxing for most of the night. Kramer gets drunk and idiotic and Insists his hate rock of 10 songs be plays which annoys us, then we play Kings which gets is silly drunk. We go back down to the fire and Kramer collapses on the lawn and passes out. We don’t care… Jerry and I go for a walk looking for some friends at another cottage. We find nobody, go to a part of the cottage with a beautiful view of the lake, and talk about what’s going on with us. We vent a lot about work, shoot the shit, drink and enjoy the night
We get back and Kramer is passed out on a chair and I put him to bed. Jerry decides he should be up partying and wakes Kramer up. Kramer punches Jerry in the face and a big fight ensues. I say “fuck it” and just leave them to battle it out. And go chill outside. Their fight turns into a wrestling match and Jerry beats up Kramer until he quits.
We crash for the night, until Kramers tent leaks in the rain and he decides he’s going to sleep on a couch inside, but not after blaring his hate rock music to wake everybody up… fucking fuck tard
Went to bed at 3:30am
Thursday
Wake up at 11:30 grab a coffee ( I don’t drink coffee) and relax by the hot embers of the fire. We all wake up and chill until late afternoon. That’s when 2 more characters show up:
Tim Watley: Jerry's friend, kind of an odd character, really only Jerry's friend, but he and Elaine (me) have hung out here and there
Tim Watley's GF: Ok fuck I'm out of Seinfeld names for these people, so I will call her Susan
So Tim and Susan arrive all jokes and smiles. I don't mind Tim but again he's kinda odd and you need to approach him just right or else your're in for trouble
Thursday night rolls around and Tim starts to get into it with George about who gets a bed, Tim gets all pissy and we have to deal with it. Whatevs..
Kramer continues to drive everybody fucking nuts and thinks he's doing everyone a service.
Melora and I keep exchanging weird glances, which isn't good. Then that night she help fix a splinter I got in my finger. Her hands were very soft and warm and I think she liked our contact because she didn't let go. She also stood on a table and gave me a stare down, which allowed our eyes to meet and our heads to move very close to each other... she's smiling playfully at me...
FUCK
Crash 4:30am
Friday
Friday afternoon Newman shows up! Jerry hates Newman but Newmans come all the way from Timbuktu in a rash and stupid decision to see Jerry and Kramer, and I guess me
So we're all drinking enjoying the night. Newman passes our early and in regular fashion we draw penises all over him.
So we get drunk. and I mean ripped off our asses. It happens because of the fucking boot! 6L of beer + whiskey and I chugged about 1L of that shit. It was gross, but it fucked me up quick. God there was so much whiskey in that shit
So I`m fucked. I dunno what happened where but Melora (remember George`s GF) in true Seinfeld fashion starts doing things that would drive George crazy. Our eye contact gets more and more deliberate. My mind is racing, what`s she doing? is this on purpose? I`m so confused
So Melora starts coming closer to me, and wrapping her arms around me. Its comforting, its an ego trip, its horribly wrong, I can`t stop this, she just looks too good. I can`t help myself
Jerry bails me out with a ``you wanna play frisbee dude?`` Thank you Jerry!!!
Well that doesn`t end that. I get back and she comes at me again, wraps her arms around me and this time she unleashes my kryptonite. She takes her hand, with her soft delicate fingers, and starts rubbing my neck and scratching the back of my head, playing with my hears. Now thats fucking death... she`s got me and she knows it. Its like scratching a cats belly, rubbing a dog under its neck, or scratching a lions mane its just soothing and melts any fucking guy... I can still feel it now...
George calls her over (I honestly have no idea if he saw what she did. I suspect he would have been super pissed if he knew) and gives her the biggest kiss in front of everyone. She immediately looks at me after the kiss but I`m gone. Jerry talks to me about the petting thing and I admit to him I`m just so confused. Why is she playing with me??! why?! He`s just as confused as I am but reminds me I can`t fool around with Georges gf, its just not right
Weellll Give that 20 mins of cooling down and again she happens to be near me, with her arms around me. George drives her away again, gives me a hug and tells me thank you for being a good friend to her, because she`s new to the group and he appreciates it... Well now I feel so completely fucked up... good for me!
So time for round fucking 4! George is gone, shes back with her head on my shoulder, but this time she does it. She moves her ass right on my leg and just starts rubbing it up and down my leg, moving closer and closer to.. umm THAT area... then she just does it... So what do I do? you know me the non exhibitionist who hates controversy and will avoid it? I grab her ass... and its not a quick grab, I grabbed and rubbed her ass and she does nothing, NOTHING to stop me. In fact she pushes her ass out so I can feel her ass. and MAN that's a fantastic ass, I loved every minute of it. all 30 fucking minutes of my retartedness... I want to stop, I need to stop... I can`t stop... I didnt stop... I`m an asssshole
So George I don`t even know asks her to come look at the water with him alone... thank god!!
Crash 4am
I go to bed that night feeling like a cheap whore. I will talk about this in another blog
Fuck I`m tired of this... Blog Thursday will be Saturday night events, which was the beer Olympics
To be continued
One Love
Ok I know I said I wouldn’t post every Monday updating my weekend but this was a 5 day cottage weekend and sooo much went down. There are some things I can’t say and some things I’m afraid to say. This will all be from my perspective because, hey I’m a narccist and if shit doesn’t involve me why would I blog it?
Also keep in mind that I do consider myself somewhat of a professional, so my blog site will now be more mysterious as to who I am and what I do
Wednesday
Oh also keep in mind that many of these days sorta get blurred into each other
Wednesday
We got into the cottage at around 5pm. There were about 5 of us that night. So what do you do when you get to the cottage? Start drinking! So we relaxed by the fire and pounded back some beers, chatted about nothing and enjoyed one of the only days of sun.
Crap I think I need to describe my friends
Elaine – ME… The kind of chill relaxed person who tries to avoid confrontation
Jerry – The ringleader, his cottage the goofy fun loving person who is the only person who is friends with everyone coming to the cottage
Kramer – My buddy who is the unemployed mooch. Really wants to be whacky and have everybody pay attention to him because of his antics. But really who knows if people like him
George – A friend of Jerry but not really a friend of Elaine (ME). Kind of handicapped weird guy that you don’t know if you can trust
George’s gf (Melora) – If you’ve ever seen the Hampton Tomatas “You gooota come see that babeee” episode of Seinfeld who know who I’m talking about. Very quiet, sticks with George but is full of surprises
ANYWAYS
The drinking ensues and I think we are all having a good time. Kramer has already offended George’s GF and she wants nothing to do with us. Actually Melora when commenting on how we are all disgusting guys makes some comment about how I’m not really like them. Wooo me! ???
So we are drinking, smoking telling stories and relaxing for most of the night. Kramer gets drunk and idiotic and Insists his hate rock of 10 songs be plays which annoys us, then we play Kings which gets is silly drunk. We go back down to the fire and Kramer collapses on the lawn and passes out. We don’t care… Jerry and I go for a walk looking for some friends at another cottage. We find nobody, go to a part of the cottage with a beautiful view of the lake, and talk about what’s going on with us. We vent a lot about work, shoot the shit, drink and enjoy the night
We get back and Kramer is passed out on a chair and I put him to bed. Jerry decides he should be up partying and wakes Kramer up. Kramer punches Jerry in the face and a big fight ensues. I say “fuck it” and just leave them to battle it out. And go chill outside. Their fight turns into a wrestling match and Jerry beats up Kramer until he quits.
We crash for the night, until Kramers tent leaks in the rain and he decides he’s going to sleep on a couch inside, but not after blaring his hate rock music to wake everybody up… fucking fuck tard
Went to bed at 3:30am
Thursday
Wake up at 11:30 grab a coffee ( I don’t drink coffee) and relax by the hot embers of the fire. We all wake up and chill until late afternoon. That’s when 2 more characters show up:
Tim Watley: Jerry's friend, kind of an odd character, really only Jerry's friend, but he and Elaine (me) have hung out here and there
Tim Watley's GF: Ok fuck I'm out of Seinfeld names for these people, so I will call her Susan
So Tim and Susan arrive all jokes and smiles. I don't mind Tim but again he's kinda odd and you need to approach him just right or else your're in for trouble
Thursday night rolls around and Tim starts to get into it with George about who gets a bed, Tim gets all pissy and we have to deal with it. Whatevs..
Kramer continues to drive everybody fucking nuts and thinks he's doing everyone a service.
Melora and I keep exchanging weird glances, which isn't good. Then that night she help fix a splinter I got in my finger. Her hands were very soft and warm and I think she liked our contact because she didn't let go. She also stood on a table and gave me a stare down, which allowed our eyes to meet and our heads to move very close to each other... she's smiling playfully at me...
FUCK
Crash 4:30am
Friday
Friday afternoon Newman shows up! Jerry hates Newman but Newmans come all the way from Timbuktu in a rash and stupid decision to see Jerry and Kramer, and I guess me
So we're all drinking enjoying the night. Newman passes our early and in regular fashion we draw penises all over him.
So we get drunk. and I mean ripped off our asses. It happens because of the fucking boot! 6L of beer + whiskey and I chugged about 1L of that shit. It was gross, but it fucked me up quick. God there was so much whiskey in that shit
So I`m fucked. I dunno what happened where but Melora (remember George`s GF) in true Seinfeld fashion starts doing things that would drive George crazy. Our eye contact gets more and more deliberate. My mind is racing, what`s she doing? is this on purpose? I`m so confused
So Melora starts coming closer to me, and wrapping her arms around me. Its comforting, its an ego trip, its horribly wrong, I can`t stop this, she just looks too good. I can`t help myself
Jerry bails me out with a ``you wanna play frisbee dude?`` Thank you Jerry!!!
Well that doesn`t end that. I get back and she comes at me again, wraps her arms around me and this time she unleashes my kryptonite. She takes her hand, with her soft delicate fingers, and starts rubbing my neck and scratching the back of my head, playing with my hears. Now thats fucking death... she`s got me and she knows it. Its like scratching a cats belly, rubbing a dog under its neck, or scratching a lions mane its just soothing and melts any fucking guy... I can still feel it now...
George calls her over (I honestly have no idea if he saw what she did. I suspect he would have been super pissed if he knew) and gives her the biggest kiss in front of everyone. She immediately looks at me after the kiss but I`m gone. Jerry talks to me about the petting thing and I admit to him I`m just so confused. Why is she playing with me??! why?! He`s just as confused as I am but reminds me I can`t fool around with Georges gf, its just not right
Weellll Give that 20 mins of cooling down and again she happens to be near me, with her arms around me. George drives her away again, gives me a hug and tells me thank you for being a good friend to her, because she`s new to the group and he appreciates it... Well now I feel so completely fucked up... good for me!
So time for round fucking 4! George is gone, shes back with her head on my shoulder, but this time she does it. She moves her ass right on my leg and just starts rubbing it up and down my leg, moving closer and closer to.. umm THAT area... then she just does it... So what do I do? you know me the non exhibitionist who hates controversy and will avoid it? I grab her ass... and its not a quick grab, I grabbed and rubbed her ass and she does nothing, NOTHING to stop me. In fact she pushes her ass out so I can feel her ass. and MAN that's a fantastic ass, I loved every minute of it. all 30 fucking minutes of my retartedness... I want to stop, I need to stop... I can`t stop... I didnt stop... I`m an asssshole
So George I don`t even know asks her to come look at the water with him alone... thank god!!
Crash 4am
I go to bed that night feeling like a cheap whore. I will talk about this in another blog
Fuck I`m tired of this... Blog Thursday will be Saturday night events, which was the beer Olympics
To be continued
One Love
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