How do I feel right now? Honestly its like I got hit by a semi, then dragged into a swamp and left there to die. I am in rough rough rough shape

Ok I know I said I wouldn’t post every Monday updating my weekend but this was a 5 day cottage weekend and sooo much went down. There are some things I can’t say and some things I’m afraid to say. This will all be from my perspective because, hey I’m a narccist and if shit doesn’t involve me why would I blog it?

Also keep in mind that I do consider myself somewhat of a professional, so my blog site will now be more mysterious as to who I am and what I do

Wednesday

Oh also keep in mind that many of these days sorta get blurred into each other

Wednesday

We got into the cottage at around 5pm. There were about 5 of us that night. So what do you do when you get to the cottage? Start drinking! So we relaxed by the fire and pounded back some beers, chatted about nothing and enjoyed one of the only days of sun.

Crap I think I need to describe my friends

Elaine – ME… The kind of chill relaxed person who tries to avoid confrontation

Jerry – The ringleader, his cottage the goofy fun loving person who is the only person who is friends with everyone coming to the cottage

Kramer – My buddy who is the unemployed mooch. Really wants to be whacky and have everybody pay attention to him because of his antics. But really who knows if people like him

George – A friend of Jerry but not really a friend of Elaine (ME). Kind of handicapped weird guy that you don’t know if you can trust

George’s gf (Melora) – If you’ve ever seen the Hampton Tomatas “You gooota come see that babeee” episode of Seinfeld who know who I’m talking about. Very quiet, sticks with George but is full of surprises

ANYWAYS

The drinking ensues and I think we are all having a good time. Kramer has already offended George’s GF and she wants nothing to do with us. Actually Melora when commenting on how we are all disgusting guys makes some comment about how I’m not really like them. Wooo me! ???

So we are drinking, smoking telling stories and relaxing for most of the night. Kramer gets drunk and idiotic and Insists his hate rock of 10 songs be plays which annoys us, then we play Kings which gets is silly drunk. We go back down to the fire and Kramer collapses on the lawn and passes out. We don’t care… Jerry and I go for a walk looking for some friends at another cottage. We find nobody, go to a part of the cottage with a beautiful view of the lake, and talk about what’s going on with us. We vent a lot about work, shoot the shit, drink and enjoy the night

We get back and Kramer is passed out on a chair and I put him to bed. Jerry decides he should be up partying and wakes Kramer up. Kramer punches Jerry in the face and a big fight ensues. I say “fuck it” and just leave them to battle it out. And go chill outside. Their fight turns into a wrestling match and Jerry beats up Kramer until he quits.

We crash for the night, until Kramers tent leaks in the rain and he decides he’s going to sleep on a couch inside, but not after blaring his hate rock music to wake everybody up… fucking fuck tard

Went to bed at 3:30am

Thursday

Wake up at 11:30 grab a coffee ( I don’t drink coffee) and relax by the hot embers of the fire. We all wake up and chill until late afternoon. That’s when 2 more characters show up:

Tim Watley: Jerry's friend, kind of an odd character, really only Jerry's friend, but he and Elaine (me) have hung out here and there

Tim Watley's GF: Ok fuck I'm out of Seinfeld names for these people, so I will call her Susan

So Tim and Susan arrive all jokes and smiles. I don't mind Tim but again he's kinda odd and you need to approach him just right or else your're in for trouble

Thursday night rolls around and Tim starts to get into it with George about who gets a bed, Tim gets all pissy and we have to deal with it. Whatevs..

Kramer continues to drive everybody fucking nuts and thinks he's doing everyone a service.

Melora and I keep exchanging weird glances, which isn't good. Then that night she help fix a splinter I got in my finger. Her hands were very soft and warm and I think she liked our contact because she didn't let go. She also stood on a table and gave me a stare down, which allowed our eyes to meet and our heads to move very close to each other... she's smiling playfully at me...

FUCK

Crash 4:30am

Friday

Friday afternoon Newman shows up! Jerry hates Newman but Newmans come all the way from Timbuktu in a rash and stupid decision to see Jerry and Kramer, and I guess me

So we're all drinking enjoying the night. Newman passes our early and in regular fashion we draw penises all over him.

So we get drunk. and I mean ripped off our asses. It happens because of the fucking boot! 6L of beer + whiskey and I chugged about 1L of that shit. It was gross, but it fucked me up quick. God there was so much whiskey in that shit

So I`m fucked. I dunno what happened where but Melora (remember George`s GF) in true Seinfeld fashion starts doing things that would drive George crazy. Our eye contact gets more and more deliberate. My mind is racing, what`s she doing? is this on purpose? I`m so confused

So Melora starts coming closer to me, and wrapping her arms around me. Its comforting, its an ego trip, its horribly wrong, I can`t stop this, she just looks too good. I can`t help myself

Jerry bails me out with a ``you wanna play frisbee dude?`` Thank you Jerry!!!

Well that doesn`t end that. I get back and she comes at me again, wraps her arms around me and this time she unleashes my kryptonite. She takes her hand, with her soft delicate fingers, and starts rubbing my neck and scratching the back of my head, playing with my hears. Now thats fucking death... she`s got me and she knows it. Its like scratching a cats belly, rubbing a dog under its neck, or scratching a lions mane its just soothing and melts any fucking guy... I can still feel it now...

George calls her over (I honestly have no idea if he saw what she did. I suspect he would have been super pissed if he knew) and gives her the biggest kiss in front of everyone. She immediately looks at me after the kiss but I`m gone. Jerry talks to me about the petting thing and I admit to him I`m just so confused. Why is she playing with me??! why?! He`s just as confused as I am but reminds me I can`t fool around with Georges gf, its just not right

Weellll Give that 20 mins of cooling down and again she happens to be near me, with her arms around me. George drives her away again, gives me a hug and tells me thank you for being a good friend to her, because she`s new to the group and he appreciates it... Well now I feel so completely fucked up... good for me!

So time for round fucking 4! George is gone, shes back with her head on my shoulder, but this time she does it. She moves her ass right on my leg and just starts rubbing it up and down my leg, moving closer and closer to.. umm THAT area... then she just does it... So what do I do? you know me the non exhibitionist who hates controversy and will avoid it? I grab her ass... and its not a quick grab, I grabbed and rubbed her ass and she does nothing, NOTHING to stop me. In fact she pushes her ass out so I can feel her ass. and MAN that's a fantastic ass, I loved every minute of it. all 30 fucking minutes of my retartedness... I want to stop, I need to stop... I can`t stop... I didnt stop... I`m an asssshole

So George I don`t even know asks her to come look at the water with him alone... thank god!!

Crash 4am

I go to bed that night feeling like a cheap whore. I will talk about this in another blog


Fuck I`m tired of this... Blog Thursday will be Saturday night events, which was the beer Olympics

To be continued

One Love