Confidence = crapper

Man this has been a tough 2 weeks for my confidence. I don’t know what’s the deal with me. I’m either being way too dramatic, or I’ve been delusional.

I still see it in my head. I’m at the bar Saturday night, just dancing and hanging out with friends. In the corner of my eye I see “her”. That girl in the club that just catches your eye, the one you look for throughout the night, the one that makes eye contact with you and you're jusr drawn. The one that, because I suck, gets away.

I hate how this shit haunts me. Any other guy, some stupid girl at the bar gets away they are like whatever who gives a shit. But not me. It's like my ego CANNOT take the thought of somebody, anybody not being head over heels interested in me. I can't just let it go, everyone has to like me, everyone has to be attracted to me.

I remember, we made brief eye contact and I was just waiting for my in, my moment to introduce myself. My problem was I didn’t have anything. She was on the dance floor dancing with her friend. The problem is without a wingman (which I didn’t have) you can’t just take her in front of her friend, its insulting and it just won’t work. Then I catch a break. Her friend finds her bf or some guy or whatever I don’t give a shit; but this girl let's call her Amy storms off upset at her friend.

PERFECT!! I’m in, I just find her, tell her I saw what happened, tell her that her friend is an ass and she (Amy) is so much better looking then her, buy her a drink, go dancing with her, get her number, call, date, get married, have kids, grow old together. Done and DONE! (Ok maybe the fact that I just mentioned marrying a girl I haven’t even met yet, even in a humorous nature, signals an underlying problem with me. Oh well I have the medication… BEER!)

Now I just have to find her, make the eye contact again, and see where this takes me. The problem is I can’t find her, and I’m getting frustrated. I give up, and head back to my friends

About 30 minutes later I see the group dancing together, and this guy shows up out of nowhere and starts dancing with her. Now I’m pissed and my confidence just got knocked into next week. Because I waited, and waited for the perfect moment, now I lost her and I have to watch this douche bag wrap his arms around her, and go in for kisses like 11,000 times while being rejected!! Treat her right you ass!! Fuck!!

Story of my life. I have to overthink her, so I lose her, then I overthink losing her and get my confidence knocked in. My problem is I fall in love with a girl the second I see her. And if it doesn’t work, I get heartbroken, which makes me not want to even try. But then when I don’t try I feel like THIS!!!!

Fuck! And to be honest, taking about it isn’t helping, its just making things worse… so fuck this

One Love…