My dream last night

Brace yourself… this ones going to be a long one…

I’m at an NHL hockey game with like my mom, my aunt right near the front row. We are watching the game and enjoying our time. No drinking or anything. The arena is medium sized and I don’t remember who is playing but The Flyers come to mind.

Then, part way through the game, and without warning, it turns into a kiss concert. Must have been intermission or something but the concert was really good and I enjoyed it. Then the game went on again, and there was another random intermission where they played a 70’s hockey game. This all made sense to me in the dream though, which is usual.

Now here’s where it gets weird; my mom and aunt leave to get some drinks. Without notice the most beautiful girl in the world is beside me. She’s just a knockout, like exactly the kind of girl that I like. She’s tall with black hair, deep green eyes, slight tan (like me!) sexiest smile, pouty lips. She’s wearing a grey spaghetti strap top that’s a little tight, and a mid leg blue skirt that shows off her absolutely incredible legs.

For some reason I feel like I know her, and she had poise, confidence, a slight flirty edge but she seemed very down to earth and most certainly not slutty. I was totally into her and she asked me how the games been. For some reason I start talking about how the concert was amazing and the games been tons of fun, and we’re really hitting it off.

Then one of the hockey players skates up and starts talking to me. I don’t remember about what but I felt nervous and timid. He starts then talking to her, and he starts flirting with her, all while I’m watching. Then she moves beside me and starts walking up the steps, and her skirt becomes very very short, and she turns from this down to earth girl to an absolute slut. Then, the next thing I know she’s on all fours on one of the bleacher benches skirt half up. There is also another girl who is in the same position, but I don’t know the other girl. The hockey player starts fucking the other girl (the one I didn’t know) while the girl I know with is sitting there almost waiting for her turn.

I’m just sitting there feeling like an absolute idiot… The End.

What does that mean??!?!?! Honestly?!?!

Ok so here’s my dream interpretations, brought to you by www.dreammoods.com

Hockey – Ok so there is no generic term for hockey, but I already know this one. Hockey represents an awkwardness and a lack of comfort for me. Hockey was always my gift and my curse. When I was a kid I played very competitive hockey (some friends are in the NHL right now) but it wasn’t fun because the pressure was just too much, and I just wasn’t good enough, and I was too timid and awkward as a kid to really fit in the dressing room. Hockey represents a setting in which I’m not comfortable with

Aunt – “To see your aunt in your dream, represents family characteristics and values. It is a connection to your own heritage.” Considering my family’s religiousness and their “For the record” opinions on sex (wooo go being born before your parents even planned their wedding, wooo hyprocracy!) that makes sense. As soon as they left that this girl showed up and they weren’t there for the actual threesome. My aunt represents the religious attitudes I was taught about sex, and her walking away represents my own breaking away from these teachings. Which is funny because I never thought I took them seriously in the first place

Mother – “To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection.” This is confusing because hockey represented a lack of all of these things. So why would I see comfort and lack of comfort at the same time. Maybe because my mom was front and center of my religious teachings about sex. No no no no… Because I see sex and my own performance as almost a sport (see hockey) and because that brings about feelings of lack of comfort (see hockey) my mom represents the comfort of not having sex because I don’t have to meet my own performance goals. Which is why after she left, that girl showed up because she IS SEX.

The girl - She is sex. Plain and simple, see colours.

Flirting – “To dream that you are flirting or that someone is flirting with you, represents your need for intimacy and affection. You may be about to enter into a serious commitment or relationship in the near future.” Really? I need affection, no fucking way!

Arena – An arena represents an area of conflict in your life. Again I never really thought that sex was a conflict, but given my upbringing yea that makes sense. And hockey is the perfect representation because it’s so taboo to me, just like sex to me. It’s just something I don’t discuss with others. But it also represents competition, which is my innate view of sex as a performance measure.

The Sex - To dream of helplessly watching a mate have sex or making out with someone else is your inner expression of feelings of sexual inadequacy or insecurity with the romanitic involvement with your mate. I think that’s partially right. I don’t have a mate, nor do I ever try to get romantically involved with anyone. But the fact that my performance is competitive to me maybe I’m feeling that constant improvement is required because I’m so competitive. It could also mean that I’m not being brave enough to take a chance with someone new, which also created insecurity. Hmm that ones a tough one…


Colours analysis. Thanks www.dream-analysis.com

Blue - Negative philosophy of life. e.g. superstition or fearful form of religion. Yes YES YES! That’s exactly it. She was wearing a blue skirt. A blue fucking skirt represents my own childhood fears enforced on me that sex is bad mmkay. And because she was wearing it and I wanted to do awful (sexy!) things to her skirt colour is religions negative philosophy, which covers her, but gets pulled up (super sexy!) and removed.

Grey - Meaning: Uncommitted, uncertain - ‘grey area’. Mental denial of emotion, depression. Again my rigid religious values on sexuality fighting with my own desires gives me an uncertain grey area. Maybe that’s why we didn’t have sex. Because she wasn’t really a woman she was my inner conflict on sexuality and you can’t fight a conflict.

Conclusion
Ok so sum it up. My interpretation of the dream is that it’s a triangle in a setting I’m not comfortable with (hockey arena). It’s my own conflict with my upbringing/ religion which taught me sex was bad (aunt symbols), plus the girl and her clothes (colours, and her relationship with me). It’s also my conflict with my competitive nature seeing sex as a sport (hockey and arena symbols) and the inherent insecurity problems that come with that (watching the guy fuck that girl), and the comfort level I achieve when I don’t have sex (mom) and don’t have to deal with the competitive pressures. Lastly it symbolizes my desire to be assertive, take chances, because if I guarantee if I would have tried to kiss that girl she would have let me, but I didn’t.
There is one thing that I don’t understand. Why did the guy fuck the other girl and not my girl. I woke up before he did anything to her… Maybe the fact that he didn’t have sex with her tells me that she was waiting for me? Maybe its saying that she’s right there so take her; don’t over think, don’t listen to your childhood scare tactics, just take her…

Executive summary
Sex causes conflicts for me due to religion, and my competitive nature. To overcome this I need to drop any semblance of religious entanglement, and not worry about beating my performance goals, take chances and just fucking go for it!

My Ego

An ode to my ego

My ego has gone through more shit then that chick from the first Jurassic Park movie. Highs and lows everywhere you turn. So permit me to do a little high-level self psychology

I was going to go into a long drawn out Wikipedia definition of the ego the id and the super-ego but I’m not teaching a psych course.

My situation is a simple circle of redundancy.

1. Win…I need to win. I can’t stand losing ever in anything EVER. I can be childish, mature, or whatever I need to be in order to win. If I don’t win I…
2. Lose… Which in my case, losing may very well feel worse thing winning, it’s tough to say. I take losses very VERY hard. It gets inside of me, it bugs me it lingers and festers. I will do anything in my power not to lose. Why do I take losing so badly? Probably because I…
3. Overanalyze… Any situation you can imagine I will manage to overanalyze. Doesn’t matter how trivial I will overthink the shit out of it, which is why losing always feels worse. I have to analyze my loss and the factors and causes until its all I can think about; it possesses me and stops me from being able to get over whatever I fucking lost. Over analysis then leads to…
4. Isolation/Uniqueness… When I can’t possibly explain my over analysis to people it limits my social interactions as I would much rather be in my own head then be outgoing and thus considered fucking weird. This builds up my own identity as a lone wolf and as a unique individual which I covet as the reason I’m so fucking weird. But no matter how much you call yourself unique, when you don’t open up you feel…
5. Lonely… Nothing is worse then feeling alone. It’s literally 2 shots coming at you as you lose any sense of friendship, while at the same time have nobody to talk to about being alone. Well when you’re feeling blue and you want to feel better what do you do?
6. Win… Or drink… both are acceptable

So if I can win just enough, I can feel pretty damn good… Quit judging me! What’s your vice huh?!?!

My problem is this cycle has gotten me all my success so far to date. Why did I get through university with such good grades, and pass all my accounting exams without problems? Because the though of losing (IE failing) and how fucking awful I would feel for months and months on end drove me to work so hard that it was impossible to fail. Couple that with the fact that constantly be thinking and analyzing (from my over analysis experience) got me through high school, university and all of my exams, which got me wins, which gets me happy!

The same cycle follows in my relationships with women. My mind just can’t comprehend losing, and by that logic my mind thinks that every woman on planet earth MUST want me. So getting rejected by a girl absolutely haunts me. Its like losing, it just nags and nags at me and slowly tears my confidence apart. So I need to keep winning

One day I’ll find the girl, and the person that caters to this, and compliments me… I’ll find the friends who will

I’ll explain the perfect girl sometimes…whenever

One Love..

Umm how does this work

Just a quick post, and try to follow me on this one...

There's this company called Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment (MLSE) who are better known as the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Toronto Raptors, or as the bully in the sandbox. They have managed to steal 70 million dollars from Ontario tax payers and have been applauded for it

Now let me mention the fact that MLSE is owned by the teachers fucking pension fund. Which means anything for a buck, because teachers work soooooo hard 9/12 months. Anyways my hatred of teachers, specifically teachers who complain about their jobs will be reserved for another blog.

Ok so here's what they did. and I will reflect the cash flow of this to explain how they robbed me

May 11 2006 - MLSE announces that Toronto will get a soccer team (Toronto FC.. or just FC). Fucking idiots in Toronto celebrate the fact that we now have a shit team in what is a fucking awful league, like the 10th best professional soccer league, behind the Polish elite league, the Turkish premier league. Like the MLS is terrible terrible soccer but hey we are Toronto we pretend to be European and you can't be European without a fucking soccer team, even if the team is filled with scrubs who couldn't be backups in Europe.

MLSE starts skeeming... They wanted the stadium, and keep their cash... They thought of a plan... and they thought of it fast...










2006-2007 - The soccer stadium is constructed. And get this. MLSE, with all their millions billions of dollars bitches and whines to get the Province to build them a fucking stadium. So politics and politics later the $72m stadium is built and here is how the cash flow works

MLSE - 8m
MLSE - 10m sponsorship. But they will make that back PLUS in 5 years EASY...
Feds - 27m
Ontario - 8m
Toronto - 10m
Feds - Land 9m

So I subsidized a bullion dollar company, and they put in 8m. I'm not including buying sponsorship because they will make that back.

So because of the fact that the government funded the stadium, to make the idiots in Toronto feel like we didn't just give 60m to rich people, the government mandated that the stadium be "public" so they can have kids tournaments all year round and shit. So they put in artificial field turf, as regular grass wares out too quickly

2009 - So here's where MLSE really just robbed us of our money. So MLSE (through FC) complains that artificial turf is bad mmkay and bullshit bullshit bullshit they don't want field turf they want grass.

This means that, because grass wares out too easily, they will be the ONLY PEOPLE to use the stadium that we built for them.

So what they suggest is that they will build a small field for the public (most it will cost is 3-5m) so kids and shit can play tournaments, but they won't build a second 70m field.

and of course, because elected officials are fucking stupid they say "Sure no problem boss"

and of course because Torontians are fucking retarded they say "deeerrrrrr gooo Toronto FC, take our money take it take it take it!!"

So to recap on how MLSE stole my money... they had us build a stadium for them, then kick us out, build us a cheaper stadium and live in their expensive stadium. So we could have spend 5m and built a cheap stadium for ourselves and be in the same fucking position

MLSE will pay about $15m and get a 70m stadium, right in front of us, claiming to benefit us, and we believe them...

Fuck we're stupid... so unbelievably stupid...

Quiz time!

hehe my favorite. I do a bunch of gay quizzes, then make fun of them for being gay, then comment on the results, legitimizing these dumbass quizzes

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd   Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Drama Nerd
Social Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Yea yea that makes sense. I do like to read, and given no responsibilities and shit I would love nothing more then to sit in a robe, by a fire, with some fucking brandy and read a good book. But I do hate poems, I think they are pretentious hippie bullshit. But I would agree on the most with this

How will I die? Your Result: You will die in a nuclear holocaust.   The country responsible will be an unexpected one. I hope that you will be close to the epicenter of the explosion. Radiation is terrible. Your death, however, will always be remembered.
You will die in a car accident.
You will die from a terminal illness.
You will be murdered.
You will die while having sex.
You will die while saving someone's life.
You will die of boredom.
You will die in your sleep.
How will I die? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Not gonna lie I plan to die doing 120mph in a Ferrari with as many hookers and drugs as I can cram in there while going straight into a brick wall... So fuck that I'll take the car accident

ANIMOLOGY: What Animal Are You? Your Result: Silver and Red Wolf   *howl* You're a very strong person. You tend to be naive most of the time, but when in love boy do you know how to get around! You prefer to be quite around adults. Your soul mate is the gold falcon. You're in conflict with the maroon panda.
Blue Fox
Red Jaguar
Teal Cat
Ocre and Gray Dolphin
Tan Giraffe
Gold Falcon
Yellow Trout
ANIMOLOGY: What Animal Are You? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Ohh yea I totally am! Strong, passionate that kind of focused determined look that you see in people you see in me.

you r 56% dirty minded!!!!!!!

 

you are moderatly sick minded...NOT BAD! u wouldn't get most of my jokes though:( you might get grossed out or not get some of the sick minded people, you would get most of the jokes

how dirty minded r u???
Take More Quizzes

Bullshit!! I'm the guy that says "that's what she said" so much that people are afraid to make any statement without carefully considering it. I'm so much more dirty minded then that its not even funny... fuck that one

What type of partier are you? Your Result: Bar Social Butterfly   Not quite as bad as the 'bar slut', you like to get a bit ripped and become everyone's new best freind. You talk to everyone and anyone, keep people laughing, and with enough liquor you become the professional comedian. You get into deep-thought topics with fellow drunks, get people crying on your shoulder when they vent to you, and end up with hundreds of phone numbers of people that you simply can't recall in your cell-phone all the time.
The rock-star party animal
Bar Slut
The Socialite
Hardcore drunk
The Lurker
The designated driver
What type of partier are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Yea makes sense


Wow I'm already bored of this

One Love...

What you rappin about little boy

Soooo tired. I honestly don't know why. You know when you have a dream that wakes you up in the middle of the night and fucks with you. Then you go back to sleep and wake up in the morning, remember that you were fucked with, but don't remember why?

That's my dream

I had a dream like 4 nights ago... My ex gf told me she loved me. Wow, doesn't take a shrink to figure out that interpretation

Anyways, I'm a pretend music guy. I have about 1,400 songs of different genres, mostly full albums and were talking 90's and later.

Top 5 albums I have

5. Tribe called quest: Midnight Marauders - This was one of the first progressive hip-hop groups I had ever heard. Hypnotic beats, cut and insightful lyrics, the album has possibly the greatest flow of any hip-hop album ever. Every song just flows beautifully into the next. Each song either relays a message, or tells a story. You can close your eyes, listen to the album and relax your ass away

4. Gorillaz: Demon Days - "I saw that day... Lost my mind... Lord I find... Maybe in time, you'll waaaaaant to be mine" Yes I know that makes no sense, but I LOVE this album. That album got me through 2 months of working 8:30am - 2am, and feeling like absolute shit. Whole album is one giant drug trip. Every song is ultimately about drugs, pain, which in and of itself is their idea of the root of drug addiction. There are also tons of subtle hints of the Iraq war, which they did BEFORE anybody else protested the war in song.

3. Lupe Fiasco: The Cool - Fuck I really want to put The Game's album in this slot, because I got them at the same time. But ultimately this album is just too fucking good. The flow is incredible, the beats are great, the lyrics are well done positive but political and hopelessly truthful. Its so difficult to explain you just have to listen to the album

2. Nas: Illmatic - In my opinion the greatest rap album ever produced, and nobody knows about it. It's Nas' coming out party in the 90s. A very very short album only about 10 songs, the longest being under 5 mins. There's no real message in the album, its just a collection of stories that flow together. But the stories are so well done, and paint such a detailed picture, you can close your eyes and picture what he's talking about.

1. Kanye West: Late Registration - I was tempted to pick his Graduation album but that's probably because I've listened to it more lately. Late registration just goes through so many emotions seamlessly. It goes from immaturity and almost an effortlessness and ease about life, to tragedy of diamonds from sierra Leone, to saying thank you to his mother. Just so well done so many messages so many different thinking points to interpret and ponder. Ok I admit he does kinda steal from 80's beats and daft punk but his message makes up for his thievery

Honorable mention

A perfect Circle: Thirteenth Step - Whole album is about 12 steps of rehab + rock bottom

The Game: The documentary - Dudes cocky but he backs it up. Like Dre in his hayday..

Eminem: The Slim Shady LP - Fucking hilarious!! Ok ok he talks about gays, rape and vicodin but its just so fucking funny

Daft Punk: ALive - Try to listen to this album without dancing... Try it...

Outkast- Fuck I forgot about Outkast that should havebeen in the top 5.. Ok superhonerable mention to Outkast... everybody LISTEN TO ATLIENS!!!

Words of wisdom from Nas try to rise up above
Keep an eye out for Jake shorty what
One Love...

Weekend Update (2)

Wow, I am absolutely exhausted...What a crazy weekend. I don't want my blogs to be all about what I do on weekends, but its the only time I can talk about something interesting. I mean any blogs not updating my life are just rants really...

Friday

Friday was a horribly boring day at work. I should have just skipped the day and hung out at home. After work, I ended up at Boston Pizza to meet with friends for beer, and to watch game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. Detroit vs Pittsburgh. The wings lost and I got absolutely ripped on by my friends. Fucking sore winners can't you just shut up and let it go? We also talked about going to a College football game, maybe Ohio State vs USC (turns out that tickets costs $350 each, FUCK!).

Anyways we go out to a patio bar for the night after. I start getting wasted and get into the confident/ borderline cocky stage that (I used to call him Damien... Yes its borderline schizophrenic fuck off). I end up meeting this girl named Michelle and her friend, Cindy or some shit. We end up getting into a really good conversation. And in total Damien fashion she says she has a bf, but slips me her number anyways! I also talked to her friend and I don't think I was acting needy but she tells me about how good looking I am, and I'm great to talk to and how I'm going be great and find a great girl and be chill in my life

So after that craziness I get a ride home... and I'm wasted... I try to use the number code to open my garage. It doesn't work and I get furiously mad and start punching it and trying to rip it out of its place. Well all that anger and motion made me very very sick... and I couldn't get in the house... so there I was 2:30 am puking on my lawn in darkness, laying there for like 15 minutes, too sick to move.. God I'm awesome... my dad has to let me in laughing his ass off at me... Awesome Friday

Saturday

Hung over as hell, slept through most of the day. I ended up sleeping off most of the day feeling like ass. When I felt better I went for a jog, and felt sick again. I ended up sobering up for dinner, and I went out for Indian food with the family on Saturday. Chilled hung over (saw Nids but whatever)

Sunday

Forced to get up for church.. NOT in a good mood, then my mom just did it... After church we saw one my moms stupid church friends and we had one of the worst conversations ever

Mom: You know Daniel, my friends daughter is very pretty, I think she would compliment you very well, you should meet her

Me: Are trying to set me up on a date?

Mom: Maybe...

Me: Does she like clean and mop and stuff?

Mom: ummm Probably why?

Me: Because I'll need her to mop up the blood after I shoot myself in the face because my mother sets me up on a date with her church groups friends daughter! Like are you serious? Am I so pathetic to you that YOU need to set me up on blind dates?!?! Like really?!?! I don't need your help, I honestly honestly don't trust me on this

Mom: But she would be good for you...

Me: Because she can mop up blood?

Mom: Fiiine forget it

Anyways that was awkward... and yes I made 2 suicide references to my mom, but that's just my attitude and my humor...

I ended up going to Wonderland for the day with 2 friends. We helped this lady boost her car, which was hilarious.

We rode tons of rides (top gun, indiana jones, behemoth, some italian job shit, minebuster) went to the water park (oh my god the bikinis! Fuck time to jog EVERYDAY and get into damn shape), checked out girls, ate funnel cakes, and bounced...


Anyways, weekend full of inner thoughts, varying emotions and a shit load of fun...

But I still can't believe my mother tried to do that... I'm going to rip on her for a looong time for that one

One Love - Time to find a new one...

What to say...what to say

I honestly have no clue what to talk about already, and its been like 2 posts in. Oh well, hmm maybe I'll talk about what I wanna do in my future. Because I have no clue what I actually want to do. I guess I should just lay out my dreams and the issues with them

- Work in Automotive industry This dream was one of my first when I decided I wanted to be an accountant. This dream was pretty damn naive. I thought I would just be an accountant/ controller operations guru because I "know' about accounting and I "know" so much about cars. My thought was I would do the accounting, as well as decision making in accounting policy and financial reporting (*SNORE*). I would also make decisions on which cars to produce, and parts costing accounting and negotiation

Why it won't work There's no job in which you do journal entries, then make decisions on what parts to buy and how to cost cars. Its just not a position that exists. Also, as the world knows the automotive industry is absolute shit right now, and in North America they are not hiring new people, and nobody is sure they ever will again. I would peg this at 5%

-Move to NYC work in Manhattan This was a stupid fucking dream I had with someone where I was working, and she was in med school or some dumb shit and we would be together. Fuck, you thought the first dream was naive, this one was straight out of a Disney movie

Why it won't work Hmmm let me count the ways. 1) Her and I don't speak anymore 2) She was never going to school in NYC 3) I can't get a transfer to NYC 4) Love is a Disney movie, it doesn't exist its a huge load of bullshit. Just find someone who doesn't make you want to jump off a skyscraper every day and stick to her (no thats not emo its just love gets replaced by complaicency after 30 years of telling the same boring ass stories over and over again). But on the optimist side my NYC dream was always about me, and never about her. I found a position at my company in NYC and am looking into it. I would still put it at a 15% chance of happening

Work in Aviation industry This dream came out of my family as I had 2 uncles who worked as mechanics for various airlines, and I thought it would be fitting to be a corporate accountant at a big airline, a sort of moving up for my family. Also, as you can tell I'm just a big kid with tonka trucks and planes, trains and automobiles always fascinate me. I thought I could also do cost projection analysis on fuel, travelling, leases all that jazz

Why it won't work Just because I had 2 relatives who fixed planes doesn't mean I should make it my career. Also the aviation industry is almost always down and doesn't usually look to hire people very often. lastly, I would probably have to work in Canada and Air Canada means I have to know french, Westjet is out in Alberta and I would shoot myself if I worked for Porter Airlines. Thats at a 2% chance

Stay in Toronto work anywhere This was the last thing I thought I would be doing because I had such grand plans. But if all else fails; and all else is failing, this is my option

Why it won't work I'm a nomad. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in Toronto at the age of 23. but its probably a 50% chance I will. *tear*

Move somewhere.. ANYWHERE cool and work there This is probably what's going to happen. I will get offered something somewhere for a year or 2, I'll go do that then come home and either do 1 more or live in Toronto forever. thats at a solid 35%